Weather-themed Groaning.

Whilst it is technically British Summer Time (yes apparently that happened) it certainly doesn't feel like that. I'm getting a little disillusioned with winter - it seems to be greedily demanding far too much of my year, and whilst I enjoy the first few months of good knitwear, hot chocolate and film evenings, by April I'm eager for flowers, picnics and a tan. 

Since arriving home on Saturday there's been a few glimpses of sunshine, and like the fool I am I've assumed that they've meant warmth. Apparently not. I've gone on a few brisk winter walks, through the New Forest and over Hengistbury Head, sunglasses in hand, in the hope that I don't look too ridiculously mish-mashed with all of my layers. 

Light breaks through the gloom.

An avenue of trees in Holmsley

On Tuesday I caught up with a good friend from London that also lives locally. It was so, so good to meet and talk away from the buzz and crazy environment of the City. We sat on the top of Hengistbury Head discussing life, and the things God is speaking to us about, and gazing at the horizon. There wasn't a tower block in sight, just clear blue ocean. Perfection. 

Pretend Summertime

Hengistbury Huts

Yesterday became a day to bake and relax in a friend's warm kitchen. Another London friend, but someone I've known since we were 11. It was great to see her family, and spend time in a place that I lived in almost as much as my own home as we were growing up. We made bread, and then attempted macaroons. Sadly we were lacking ground almonds, and had to lessen our ingredients, which resulted in some not very peaky egg whites. Needless to say, the cake below is not so much a macaroon, but a red velvet ring...with almond flavouring. I was pleased that we managed to salvage something out of the baking wreckage, and for unintentional cake it was pretty tasty!

Baking Endeavours

I hear that it's begun snowing in London. It makes me glad that I'm not there. I have no time for that crunchy white stuff when there have been years when I've been swimming in the sea by this time. So I'm going to continue my hibernation with some reading and a hot cup of tea. I'm not sure there's much else to be done right now!

Mercy all, Immense and Free

Since becoming a Christian about six years ago, Easter has taken a bit of a different theme for me. It's always been a fairly big family day; a day for feasting and catching up with everyone, and of course for eating a tremendous amount of chocolate. 

But, when you get to know Jesus, the significance of Easter changes dramatically. I'd say Easter is pretty much the foundation of my life. Because my life and hope is entirely based on the fact that Jesus is ALIVE. And well, that's what Easter Sunday is all about - that this man who died, crucified on a tree, came back to life, destroying death, conquering sin and giving me life. It's incredible news, and though I get to celebrate it every day of the year, Easter Sunday is always something special.

Yesterday I was back at my home church, which is always a lovely feeling. I worked there for a year, and was fairly involved before I moved to London, so there's a large group of friends that I love to visit. On arriving at the door I was accosted by two of my favourite people, charging out of nowhere to leap on me. Easter, as I said is a time for joy and celebration, and perhaps our greater awareness of what we're singing adds a new dimension to our times of worship. These two verses of an old hymn blew me away yesterday.

He left His Father’s throne above

So free, so infinite His grace—

Emptied Himself of all but love,

And bled for Adam’s helpless race:

’Tis mercy all, immense and free,

For O my God, it found out me!

’Tis mercy all, immense and free,

For O my God, it found out me!

Long my imprisoned spirit lay,

Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;

Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—

I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;

My chains fell off, my heart was free,

I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

My chains fell off, my heart was free,

I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.

After church, I headed over to my Great Aunt's house, where there was a huge roast cooking. Lamb, potatoes, the whole shebang. We settled down to the feast, which was over far sooner than I would have liked! Afterwards, we went for a walk along the beach, intending to help digest the copious amounts of crumble we had eaten. 

It was absolutely freezing as we trekked along the promenade, and the wind whistled in my ears until it felt like I had none. Far to the west, the sunlight was seen through the storm clouds and as the sun set, it was absolutely stunning. 

Eventually we headed home to watch Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and some other terrible film that my mum had picked up cheap on DVD that I recommend no one ever watches. 

Sadly today is grotty and grey so I'm hibernating at home with that copy of The Great Gatsby, which I have very nearly finished. 

xo

Statues Come to Life

I think that ideas such as this, have become foundations for my life. 

When people ask me why I like studying literature, my response is something along the lines of.... 'because it can change things', which often gets confused looks. 

You thought literature was just for libraries or beach holidays? Wrong. It's for the public square. And I find that idea exciting. Recently I was at a lecture with Razia Iqbal, a BBC correspondent that spends lots of her time listening to people's stories and commenting on culture and the arts. Needless to say, I was somewhat enthralled.

Anyway, she was speaking at an inter-faith lecture, and mentioned that the biggest 'f' that had changed her life was fiction. She went on to elaborate, sharing how living in a closed community as she grew up, her escape and learning come for books. She also spoke about the power of storytelling, and the ways that reading of other lives, cultures, beliefs, or even an author that just describes things in a different way to you, can open your eyes. 

I'd take that a little further and suggest that when you read of things that hit you somewhere between the ribs, it can cause you to want to act, to change, to alter the systems and structures that perpetuate the chaos and disaster that you've just read of. 

I've been thinking lots about the things I want to do with the short, short life I have; the kind of things I'd like to accomplish. I'd like my life to count, that I wouldn't just be another anonymous passing person that exists, works, raises a family and dies. To me, that might be normal, but normal is boring. If I've got another 50-60 years to go, that's a whole lot of time to do some good things. 

Today at church we were reminded of something C.S. Lewis says in the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe.

'The snow queen has lost her power. The snow is melting, summer is on its way & those who have been turned into lifeless statues are having new life breathed onto them again.'

I am rather overwhelmed that through Jesus I don't need to be a lifeless statue. When someone dies, and comes back to life, that you might know that death has no power any longer, and can live life in it's fullness through Him, well that leaves a rather exciting future ahead. 

Bring it on. 

Truth for the Shortest Day of the Year

None upon Earth I Desire Beside Thee

How tedious and tasteless the hours,

When Jesus no longer I see!

Sweet prospects, sweet birds, and sweet flow’rs,

Have lost all their sweetness to me.

The mid-summer sun shines but dim,

The fields strive in vain to look gay;

But when I am happy in Him,

December’s as pleasant as May.

His name yields the richest perfume,

And sweeter than music His voice;

His presence disperses my gloom,

And makes all within me rejoice:

I should, were He always thus nigh,

Have nothing to wish or to fear;

No mortal so happy as I,

My summer would last all the year.

Content with beholding His face,

My all to His pleasure resigned,

No changes of season or place

Would make any change in my mind.

While blessed with a sense of His love,

A palace a toy would appear;

And prisons would palaces prove,

If Jesus would dwell with me there.

Dear Lord, if indeed I am Thine,

If Thou art my sun and my song;

Say, why do I languish and pine,

And why are my winters so long?

O drive these dark clouds from my sky,

Thy soul-cheering presence restore;

Or take me unto Thee on high,

Where winter and clouds are no more.

Visits and Things

London has apparently jumped with both feet into the season that is a hybrid of autumn and winter. Something like autunter. There are piles of leaves outside my door, perfect for running through, and yet it's freezing cold, and I'm still wearing winter gloves whilst on the tube. Funnily enough, I'm actually kind of loving it.

This weekend saw friends visiting from all over the place. The beauties I went to school with were about, and considering I've not seen one of them since June, it was a mighty good chance to catch up. This essentially meant doing what we do best; eating and chatting. Friday night we made a Moroccan concoction, and spent the night discussing the past few months. We might also have watched a lot of David Attenborough on youtube. I feel his voice helped us sleep, despite our excitement at being reunited.

Saturday we visited the coolest exhibition, by someone called Mr Brainwash. Kinda bold, slightly garish, and very, very uplifting. Oh, and it's free. Yes, that's why I love the city. We got to go and have our photos taken with a gorilla made of tyres, and then got free posters. It was a pretty sweet afternoon, made even more so by the wonders of the Fleet River Bakery. This cafe has to be one of my favourite spots in the city. It serves Monmouth coffee and is hidden down an alley not far from Covent Garden. I might have been there twice in the last three days.

And then this morning, some of my closest friends from Citygate in Bournemouth, who've been in London for some things, had a spare couple of hours to catch up. Again, friends I love seeing nearly every day when at home, I've not seen in months, so there was lots to talk about.

My day was completed with Church activities. It was a little bit of a special afternoon, with some training time and another epic Sunday at Christchurch. It seems to be a real time for challenge and change and growth and I'm really loving being surprised by what God does each time.

For the sake of the world burn like a fire in me. Light a flame in my soul for every eye to see. 

Jesus like Cocktails?!

People get mad at me when I talk about London. Possibly because it happens a lot. But, I feel I'm justified in blabbering about the city so much because everything I say about it, is true! Don't get me wrong, it's not my universe, I mean, it doesn't have beaches to start with (and no the sand banks of the Thames don't count!) and it doesn't have all my friends, or my family, and you can never really see stars. 

Still, as places go, I'm quite a fan. And particularly of East London. Yes, the hipsters run riot, it's like their not-so-secret hideout, but you've got to grant it to them, they know how to make things cool. There's a place called The Breakfast Club. Looks like a bar or restaurant, and yet there's this uber cool little fridge inside. Yeah, you won't have guessed it...but it leads to a cocktail bar. 

To me, that's what East is all about. The surface is one thing, but it gets exciting when you dig a little deeper. 

This week, last night in fact, was the launch of something called Connect. As part of the student work that my church runs, we've just multiplied our mid-week student stuff (mainly because there's too many of us) and so I and my friend Joel are leading the group out East. It's one of those amazing things that's just kind of happened, and last night was full of surprises, and full of grace. 

If East is all about digging deeper, I reckon it shares a lot of parallels with Christianity. Most people assume on the surface that it's kinda boring, not really the place you want to live. And if you talk about it, they think you're a bit nuts. And then you dig deeper, and discover that it's not about the restaurant on the surface, it's all about the secret cocktail bar behind the fridge. Getting to know Jesus is a bit like cocktails. It's this blend of wonderfulness, this constant surprise, and you just keep wanting more. 

All we'll be doing out East is focussed on showing people that there's life in Jesus, and he promises that it's life to the full. And if he promises it, then we want to pursue it, digging through all the surface level stuff to find that epic Mojito hiding just out of sight.

So with all of that in mind, you should come along. We'll be meeting at The Williams pub in Liverpool Street most Wednesdays. It's going to be a good time, and if you're really lucky, I might just buy you a cocktail one of these days. 

Big love! xxx

Tea Cups and Grace

After what has been an absolute mad week, full of illness, visits, dinners, parties and, of course Uni, I was all set to have a bit of a restful weekend. 

Unfortunately I had plans that meant I needed to be the other side of London by 9.30am on Saturday. Doubly unfortunate was the fact I slept through my alarm, to be awoken by the friend I was travelling with, calling me to ask where I was. Needless to say I was late, but said friend was an absolute BABE and came to my house so I wouldn't be late on my own.

Now that's friendship.

It was a great day of training though, and the team I'm doing some things with this year get on so well that it was an absolute joy to spend time planning things, even though it was a tad intense. Still, there was a continuous supply of coffee and pastries, and I came home with a plate of cake, so I definitely shouldn't complain. 

My evening was gloriously chilled. I watched Notting Hill for possibly the hundreth time, and laughed at the naked welsh man just as much as ever. 

Today was another busy one, with things to do, and Church to be at. Still, with so many new people about at the moment it was great to get to meet some of them! The night was finished off with a sweet potato and chick pea curry (an attempt to boost my terrible immune system) and then some Downton Abbey and the first new episode of Homeland. Bit of a contrast, but equally loveable. Downton has the affect of making me 'oooh' and 'ahh' and pine for the twenties. Homeland just has meet falling off the edge of my seat. And possibly flinching in fear. 

The result has left me feeling somewhat alive for the early hours of the morning. Yet I'm in charge of letting the gas man in tomorrow morning and looking after the TV delivery, which means being awake and probably dressed by the time that either of those things is possible. Woops. 

Still, the highlight of all that's gone on, is just the assurance of grace. The past few weeks it's felt as if I've been stacking plates on top of tea cups, higher and higher, and ever more unstable. Too much on my plate. Try too many plates. And yet, life continues, and has yet to crumble or collapse. That is grace. And it's grace that I'm even aware how blessed I am. Days like today, I count my blessings and marvel at where my life is.

Despite fresher's flu, a tower of things to read, and a kitchen that desperately needs a good clean, I'm feeling like life is fairly sweet. 

Newday

So I'm currently still in pyjamas. I don't feel guilty about this, in fact I'm relishing the opportunity to laze about as the past week has been seriously hectic.

Last night I got back from Newday, a festival aimed at 11-18 year olds. The focus is worship, teaching and social action...and a whole lot of fun. This year, as I've stopped doing youth work since moving to London, I decided to go and join a cafe team. 

Along with about twenty others, mostly friends from London, we ran the Global Cafe. This essentially meant making 600 milkshakes every afternoon, dancing non-stop to ridiculous music and shouting insane things in a bit of competitive rivalry with the other cafes. Needless to say it was rather full on. Still, with it being the first time I'd seen a whole bunch of friends from London in over two months, it was a well needed bonding time. Nothing like a bit of family when you live in tents with one another for a week.

We got to meet with God, and one of our team got amazingly healed of a rugby injury, after six years of back pain and needing physio! So that was super exciting! 

We also saw loaaads of shooting stars which has to be one of my favourite things when you go camping. There were unfortunately LOTS of mosquitos and I am sufficiently bitten to wonder whether there is any blood actually left in my body.

Anyhow, I'm trying to sort some last minute things out before heading off to Italy on Wednesday for a week of glorious sunshine with the giiiiiirls. Enough tired rambling, I need to go by some shorts!

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Heart.

Take these hands, I know they're empty, but with You, they can be used for beauty.

Your Love is Amazing.

If I searched the heavens, all of creation

Could anything compare?

With what I've discovered filling my vision

I can only stand and stare.

Your love reaches the heavens, fills the sky

Greater than heart or mind can grasp.

Your love is amazing, God

So high, so vast

It reaches even me

Now that You've found me, Lord

My heart is Yours

This is where I want to be.

And though I have tasted what the world offers

It never satisfies

But now I will be what Your love makes me

I'm seeing with new eyes.

Your love reaches the deepest part of me

Defines who I am and what I'll be.

How beautiful, how merciful

How wonderful is Your love.

Recently

So to say that the past month has been a little crazy would be a new stretch to the term, understatement. It's been insane. Not only because I've written thousands and thousands of words for my degree, or read a billion things, or even that first year has finally come to an end. All of those things have definitely made life hectic. But do you ever have that sense that there are bigger things at work? Or that there's just more going on? I've felt like that for a while.

Imagine you're in the sea (easy for me, the girl from the seaside town) and that the tide's just changed. Suddenly everything beneath you switches direction, becomes a little more unsure, a little less what you were comfortable with. I've suddenly made it to twenty one, half of my closest friends are venturing into the real world as they graduate from university this summer, and well I've been asked to get involved in leading some exciting things with church too. 

Perhaps being in the city it's easier to see how quickly life passes. From the madness of the commuters streaming towards the station (something I tend to avoid at all costs and yet had to submerge myself in on Wednesday for over an hour. Ergh.) to the topsy-turvey weather that we're having that suggests I now live in Miami rather than London, everything just feels as if it's zooming past. 

In this culture of change, I find myself flailing somewhat, just like the swimmer stuck out in the sea as the tide changes. I'm not a fan of change, and much less do I enjoy being the instigator, or the encourager of such, and yet that's where I think I find myself. How bizarre. In all of this, it makes me glad, and ever so happy to know that my life is built on a foundation that will never change, never fail, never falter. 

The promise I get and that has become the rock that everything else is built upon is this: 

'Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever' Hebrews 13:8

Tomorrow I'm popping to Brighton for the day with some friends, I'm looking forward to enjoying the sunshine, the sea, and hopefully a little shopping in the lanes. Brighton is beautiful, and I have tons of good memories from my time there so with the bbc telling me tis going to be 25 degrees, it's time to get some beauty sleep then slather myself in the factor 50 suncream I've just purchased.

The Great Exchange

I have a feeling that this time last year I wrote a post marvelling at why Good Friday was ever called 'good'. For so long I could never understand why a man's death was a good thing, in fact, it seemed utterly barbaric.

But today, I get to celebrate the love of God that overcomes all things, and is lavished on my life with such generosity it has changed everything I am. 


‘The soldiers stripped Jesus and put a scarlet robe on him, and then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on his head. They put a staff in his right hand. Then they knelt in front of him and mocked him. “Hail, king of the Jews!” they said. They spit on him, and took the staff and struck him on the head again and again. After they had mocked him, they took off the robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him away to crucify him […] Above his head they placed the written charge against him: “This is Jesus, the King of the Jews” […] About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out in a loud voice, “Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?” (which means “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”) […] And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.’ (Matt 27:28-31, 37, 50)


Jesus' death is remarkable, his crucifixion overwhelming, because he never deserved to die. As a man he was sinless and had done no wrong, as God, he is holy, perfect and powerful. The Great Exchange; that on the cross he exchanged his sinlessness for my sin, his perfection for all of my imperfections and in doing so, made a way for me to know him, with all of my sin and rubbish dealt with. 


Someone pointed out these incredible truths to me:

• Jesus was lead outside the city, so that we could be brought into the city of God.
• Jesus was stripped naked, so that we could be clothed in righteousness.
• Jesus' body was broken, so that we could be made whole.
• Jesus was forsaken by God, so that we could be accepted.
• Jesus was put to death, so that we could be made alive.

Good Friday is an incredible day. I look to the cross and see the love of God so perfectly displayed; a love that led him to His death, a love that welcomes me completely. Love that blows me away.

And what's even better is that Sunday is coming, for the Saviour didn't stay dead in the grave, but is raised to life, securing my hope in Him forever more. 

May you have an incredible few days lovely friends. I am off to marvel at this some more and enjoy dinner with friends this evening. What a weekend. I am just so, so blessed. 

Breakthrough and Everything

It's been a packed weekend, the first in a while.

Yesterday, church ran a conference called Everything, looking at how God wants to be involved in every sphere of life, from education, to sport, to art, to media and politics. It was an amazing day, I acquired a bright pink t.shirt, free lunch and a couple of lanyards. More important though was the wisdom that oozed from the speakers and the inspiration and vision for what the future could look like if we all worked together for the global good. 

The day left me knackered though, and with a head full of a billion thoughts, so it was good to get an early night, and spend this morning chilling in bed with my battered yet loved copy of The Hobbit. I often find that my thoughts don't make much sense, or there are too many of them to be able to form them into anything coherent. Reading things helps to quieten the racket that the ideas are making, and give me the peace to begin writing and attempting to deal with them. Sounds ridiculous but it seems to work. Anyway, by the time I got to church this afternoon I was feeling sort of frustrated and irritated for no real reason, just because I was confused.

I found myself grinding my teeth a little, and then, well God showed up. Now, it's not always like this, those moments of release where you're reminded so strongly that He's with you, that He knows everything and holds everything in hand and He won't let go of the desires He's put with in you. But, today it was. Today He just told me. And showed me. And was just with me, and it was amazing. No other words for it. 

And so this weekend saw a little of everything, and a little of breakthrough. It doesn't mean my situation has changed but it does mean my outlook has. 

Jeremiah 29:11-13 declares these incredible truths...

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart."

And so this is what my week is beginning with, the promises that God wants to be involved in everything and He'll absolutely, most definitely, accomplish his purposes. That's a pretty great foundation for things if you ask me. 

The Offer.

The battle line is drawn, it's all in black and white.
Hope is pulling forward, can feel it from behind, it's time.
It's time to make a move, so what will you decide?
The clock is ticking on, don't let it pass you by, it's time.
It's time.

The time is now, for lifting souls.
The time is now, for letting go.
From your skin, to your core.
Let light, and love, come rushing through the door.
Oh, come rushing through the door.

You've learned every song, memorized the verse,
Took the bread and wine, and even bought the shirt,
It's time.
It's time to hold your shield,
It's time to draw your sword,
Let's be the resistance,
Oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord, it's time.
Yeah it's time.

The time is now, for lifting souls.
The time is now, for letting go.
From your skin, to your core.
Let light, and love, come rushing through the door.

It's time to make a stand, so put your heart in greater hands,
From your skin, to your core,
Let light, and love, come rushing through the door.

Sisters, Brothers, thieves, and lovers,
Come uncover eternity.
Turn your faces from finite places,
Heaven's grace will set you free.

The time is now, for lifting souls.
The time is now, for letting go.
From your skin, to your core.
Let light, and love, come rushing through the door.

It's time to make a stand, to put your heart in greater hands,
From your skin, to your core,
Let light, and love, come rushing through the door.

Oh, come rushing through the door...

The adventures of a life in Bristol

Up as dawn broke, and the sun came up. That was my start to Tuesday morning, and accompanied with a cup of tea and my journal I took the train down the road to Southampton for the drive to Bristol with some friends.

This week was my second to last FP Training block, which is effectively three days of Theology teaching with around 30 other people doing what I do. It's pretty cool. After nearly two months of not seeing each other, it was lovely to see the faces that I've got to know this year. Being spread out across the South from Cornwall to Portsmouth all the way up to Swindon means we don't see each other as much as I'd like to, so it was good to be together again.

There's something about people being on the same page that is so encouraging. We may all be involved in lots of different stuff,  but our hearts are still after the same thing, and it makes for some easy breathing to be able to moan a little, laugh a lot and be encouraged. 

Over the past months visiting Bristol has become rather a regularity, respite of a non-relaxing kind...if that's possible. I've always loved being away from home and seeing something new, and Bristol is a great city. Filled with history and some crazy culture, sometimes it feels like a mish mash of things squashed together amongst the old town houses and steep hills, but it's definitely charming. 

Where we are based is in a great place to see some of the interesting sites of Bristol. Back in September we took a look at some of the historic sites, and being next to Stokes Croft we definitely get to see a little of something different. A couple of times we walked into the town centre whilst we were away, as we did a lot of work on the streets this time around. You walk down the long main road, and straight through the area that has recently been having riots over Tesco, and has an Anarchy Cafe; one of it's tamer attractions.

Although graffiti is not my favourite kind of art, Stokes Croft certainly has some interesting and beautiful pieces. Everywhere you look colour is splashed across walls, and we got to see some guys painting the 'Stokes Croft Gallery' which I think is an abandoned building with boarded up windows that create great canvases for graffiti. Something a little like these...

The detail they manage to achieve is ridiculous. On our walk into town they had repainted the canvasses white  so they had something clear to start on, and on our way back they had nearly finished their designs!

Anyway, the people and the graffiti weren't the best bits of the week... And neither were my new and very lovely hosts that I stay with... 

The best bits were the times I got to spend in the presence of God and hearing from Him. They trumped any of the other things I got up to.

What's even better is that having a relationship with Jesus isn't something limited to Bristol, or FP, or those who work for the church but wherever I am and whatever I am doing, I can rest assured in the love of God and His absolute faithfulness.

Now that's an adventure I want to continue in.

Happy Weekend Friends

LOVE

xoxo