Friday, 31 December 2010

365 days past

So, as you do, I've been having a bit of a ponder today. I'm not a fan of new years really, it's always a bit of a let down...however, the idea of a brand new year and lots of new opportunities (as well as the chance to wear my hot new dress) makes today a not too bad day.

2010 has been a year of many things including;

exams, uni applications, a nasty job that sucked the life out of me, a chance to live in a hotel for a week, some terrifying interviews, some hilarious face paint, free champagne, some crushes that came to nothing, some incredible new friendships with the unlikeliest of people, living at a farm, spazzing out about my future, seeing God break in incredibly both financially and through answered prayer, coming to terms with the fact I don't have to do things the same as everyone, starting something I adore, being stretched so much I thought I might snap, cooking billions of dinner, drinking far too much coffee and eating too much cake.

I think if you mixed the above with glitter, books, and the people I love you've got a recipe for a pretty brilliant year, and lets be honest, a pretty blessed life.

I am excited about what 2011 has to offer.
There may be updates with my new years resolutions.

God Bless You Wherever You May Be

Thursday, 30 December 2010


Don't get me wrong, I love my family, and I love my friends. I love being social, I love chatting, and I love seeing people.

Seven days of seeing family and not getting things done and I am close to shouting. Grrr! Years ago I was an angry person. Now I am much more calm. Or so I thought.

Silly people who don't realise how horribly annoying they've become! Shut up with your stupid comments.
Silly Kings of Leon with their silly new music that is so rubbish.


I need to escape, and possibly go far far away.

A book will be my method of transportation and I look forward to it.

Tuesday, 28 December 2010


Someone said to me the other day, that I (and my friends) are a little like kittens. We find that when we hang out, we just naturally break through all of the 'personal space' barriers that exist between people normally.

It's a little like cats. Often we end up in a bit of a pile, legs and arms everywhere.

I miss them when they're not here. Every girl needs personal contact, and a bit of a head on a shoulder, a squishy hug, a nuzzle, someone playing with your hair. I like it when there are people that are able to break through the careful mask of reserved correctness and just make you be odd.

Hugs are special, and I like that I've been getting lots, and not just on my super sociable Sundays. 

In other news, I am very much enjoying watching too many silly films like Eragon and Enchanted (the kind of stuff you never actually rent, just see on tv) and picking at the Christmas leftovers. There are huge amounts of cheese and puddings and wine in my house. Never good when you're off to Centre Parcs in a few days!

Still, things are nice, I am loving the chilled out time I have and just pottering about and being a bit of a house person. I have bought lots of nice pretty dresses too! Yay!

So, lots of love to my lovely friends and lots of hugs to you too. 

Friday, 24 December 2010

Feety and Festive

I have a bit of a feet fear. They're just a bit gross. I mean, I love the idea of running around like a hobbit with no shoes, and I definitely do... but, as body parts....ew. There's definitely a reason why they're far away from your face!

So, four people on a futon bed later, and I've got feet both sides of my face. As I attempt to sleep. Not just that, but I also have someone wriggling around and their feet get remarkably close to my mouth. 


However, we did realise that we were a little bit like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I bagseed being Grandpa Joe because he gets to go to the chocolate factory. 

All of this was the after effects of Christmas with the girls. Sounds like a sitcom and indeed, there was definitely much hilarity. I gave little presents in tiny boxes and returned home with lots of fun things and a chance to put all of my tickets and kept things (I'm a magpie) into a scrapbook. That's a job for Boxing Day. Woop!

Anyway, with hideous amounts of sugar and friendship, we turned a little strange.
It was nice to see everyone. And bum around all night and eat an epic roast. 

So yes, Christmas wishes and love and hugs, and prayers for the New Year. 
2011 - the best year yet?

Lots of love chums. I am going to take a little nap because feet scared me too much to sleep properly last night. 


Monday, 20 December 2010

Joy Unspeakable Joy

Today was the Sunday...and Sunday means Church, which, oddly for some, I actually LOVE! Church is not boring, or full of things that you have to repeat or anything, and today was totally one of those days.

With Christmas around the corner, today was a little festive, but we're not really into the meaningless traditions, so we tend to shake things up a bit, which is always exciting. This morning was exactly what I needed after a bit of a rubbish week being ill, getting a bit frustrated at some things and generally feeling kinda disjointed! So what did we do? We daaaaanced!

And I love to dance. I love music, I love God, and I have issues keeping still when I hear music generally so when we start singing songs that have lyrics like

"Because of Your love

There's dancing in my heart
Because of grace I am free
Because of Your faithfulness
There's a song that must be sung
I will sing, I will sing because of You"

I slightly have to move. When you have several hundred other people celebrating with you too...and half an hour of it, not only does it exercise you soul but your body too. Double points to God for inventing that one! 

This afternoon I cooked a roast. And I love to cook, a little like I love to dance, and I love to sing. I cooked for 8 with my friend Charlotte, so it wasn't difficult and it was super fun. It was very entertaining watching some of the boys hopelessly attempt to cut onions/peel potatoes or sort out parsnips...I giggled to myself, mean as I am. 

I'm no whizz in the kitchen, but I was pretty impressed with my roast chicken, potatoes, carrots and parsnips with sage and onion stuffing, pigs in blankets, peas, beans and onion gravy...

OM NOM NOM! I also love food.

Tonight we had a traditional carol service at church, and I know I said we don't tend to do traditional too well, so things were shaken up a bit in the preach with Guy speaking to 'Richard Dawkins', 'Nigella Lawson' and then a Mikey Lee...a real guy whose life has been taken from a place of no hope and into a place of joy, all by Jesus. It was pretty cool I like to think. 

Interesting that Jesus alone seems to have the answer to not just Christmas but to suffering too. Forget trying to find deep within your evolved self, the strength to get through misery, and as yummy as food is, you're not guna find the answer to suffering in a triple basted, bacon covered, slow roasted, giant turkey (sorry Nigella). So, Jesus anyone?

 From a miry pit to a steadfast rock.
 WOOP I think is probably appropriate, if not entirely reverent...

With mulled wine, mince pies and giant things of fire outside after, all surrounded by snow covered trees, and ground, it was amazingly festive and totally buzzing with so many guests! My lovely mum and sister came which was great, and they had a good time so I'm pleased about that. 

Students and Twenties headed to the pub after and after being bought a drink (double woop!) I got a chance to catch up with lots of people, some whom I haven't seen for 3 or 4 months, some whom I haven't seen in a few weeks but miss ridiculous amounts because of the normal amount of time we get to hang out. All in all, it was a pretty good day. 

So I am off to get some rest, fully recover from this dreaded lurgi I appear to still have not got rid of, and prepare myself for a super busy week. 

Night night chums, much love and joy. 

PS this is one of my favourite songs :) enjoy! 


Saturday, 18 December 2010

Ill :(

Since my crazy adventure last week I appear to have picked up a billion different bugs which means I feel ROUGH. With a combination of aches, pains, snuffles and barking coughs, I am a not so happy person.

I sound and look hideous.
My life is sad. I've barely seen anyone in a week.

Go away snow and ill, I miss sociable activities!!

Thursday, 16 December 2010

Love, amour, die Liebe, sayang, 喜爱, láska or even kärlek

Wikipedia describes love as 'an intense feeling of affection' describes love as 'a profoundly tender affection for another person' says 'love is a deep and complex emotion.'

I know that none of these come close to the reality. I may be 19, my life may not have spanned centuries, I may be sheltered in my southern coastal town. I may be inexperienced in 'falling in love'.

Still, love is not just an intense feeling. Love is not just affection. I am affectionate to my cats. Would I die for them? Probably not.
As a Christian, I can honestly say that I know love. 1 John 4v8 and 1 John 4v16 declare that 'God is love'. 
Christianity is not about morals. Nor is it about heaven or hell. It's not about someone who created the world and may or may not be important. 

The Gospel is LOVE. And to know God, is to know LOVE. 

Many people hear these verses at some point in their lives, whether at funerals, or weddings, or quoted in supposedly profound films

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."

I agree that 'love' is hard to describe. I think in this world, often true love, love that is of God, that is patient and kind, not self-seeking, and full of truth is even harder to feel. Not because it's not freely available, but perhaps, too many of us look in the wrong place.

If God is love, why look anywhere else for actual love. Genuine love. Not just tender affection, profound feeling, or lust or even care. 

My life is built on love. Not a wishy-washy, whimsical feeling that sometimes I feel. Yes, I take great joy in the love of friends and of family, but as much as I may adore them, as much as I may care for them, I know that true love is the love that God offers. He is unchanging, He is never shaken, and therefore there is no chance of me one day waking up and not being loved. 

Want to know how I know that? 1 John 3:16

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters."

I said Christianity wasn't about rules. It's about a living relationship with a living God - and that's Jesus. He laid down his life for me, and so I lay down my life as a response.

Don't waste your life on 'love' that is not real love. Pour it out to the one who IS love. Jesus. Christmas is about love, a love that caused God to become human, to live as a human and to die as a human.

Love is not just chemicals in the brain, it is not just lust, or a force that causes you to behave in a bizarre manner. Find that relationship with LOVE himself, and be at peace.

With as much love as I can offer (which in comparison, is a pretty frail amount)
I say goodnight

Monday, 13 December 2010

One Week, Seven Days and Hundreds of Hours of Fun

I am currently at home, sat on my bed, a cat next to me, and Devendra Banhart playing in the background. To be stationary is quite a novelty after the week I've had.

A few statistics.

13 Trains
9 Buses
30 or so friends I don't get to see very often
10 or so people I've never met
2 Christmas markets
4 Big cities

1 Amazing musician

1 Favourite band
1 Very great God.

Living in Bournemouth, 2 years longer than a lot of my friends of the same age has both its perks and its drawbacks. I love being near my family, I love that in my job, I get to share my life, my knowledge of Bournemouth and because I'm fairly stable I can help those who aren't and I love the expectancy and excitement when people come home for a visit. 

However, I know I'm not meant to be here long-term and so every so often I get itchy feet, the urge to escape and I massive desire to go and do something crazy. FP is amazing in that every month or so I get to escape for a few days to Bristol, a city I love, full of grand buildings, narrow streets and a team of people guaranteed to lift your spirits, your head, and refresh you. 

This time I went a little further than Bristol though. I spent four days in that lovely city, learning several lessons, from the Doctrine of God and the Trinity, to learning styles, how to respond to people in need, and further lessons in courage, faith and honesty. And I can assure you, not all of that was lectured on. Training weeks are always a growing experience, a challenging one and quite often, a chilly one as the building tends to be freezing. Praise God for giant heaters that have recently been installed. 

From Bristol, my travelling continued, as I headed further north into the East Midlands. A close friend of mine lives in Nottingham and so after a year and a bit of her staying there, it was quite fitting that I should go and pay a visit. Due to short time and such, I didn't get to see that much of the place, it was dark when I arrived and we left the following afternoon on part 2 of the travelling adventure.

Liverpool was destination 3 of my week, and a visit to another friend, a pretty wonderful gap year buddy who kept me company and sane for much of the past year. She has left, and now lives so far north I hadn't seen her in three months, so to check out her city, her halls, and her friends was very fun. We concocted a dinner with no oven, and managed to eat some microwave rice and some sausages we cooked on a stolen grill. There was a distinct lack of plates and cutlery as they live in catered halls and so Bridgette ran up and downstairs scrounging crockery and shouting as us to make sure we didn't set the fire alarm off with the sizzling sausages. Fortunately for all we didn't. 

That night we went out on a bit of a bar crawl, and then into Liverpool city centre. It seemed to me that we ended up in several local's pubs, in that they had quite an odd mix of people who seemed they'd been sat in booths and at tables for their whole life. Definitely a possibility. It was very funny, especially in one place where they were playing a mix of classic Queen and Christmas songs. Inevitably there was dancing. 
For one who doesn't go out very often, the whole thing was a little surreal, especially after the four days I'd had at training, my billion train journeys and my general lack of sleep. 

We ended up in a place called Baa Bar, which was probably only funny to me, but I did giggle to myself. I had a mince pie flavoured shot. Quite possibly the highlight of my trip...well not quite, but it was definitely exciting. 

We headed back to halls with a pizza in hand, and snatched a few hours kip, before heading off to Manchester the following day. By this point I'd been tortured by friends trying to  'flood' out my fear of feet by  continually putting feet near my face and my bag was broken. 

The train to Manchester was entertaining in that I got a Nero coffee that didn't taste of coffee, but apart from that, it was a fairly short trip and I was soon in City number 4 of the week. 

Another little trip to Nero for lunch, Jon was picked up from the station and we had a little wander around the city looking in some cool shops before heading to Sam's halls and crashing for a bit. 

we made t.shirts.

We gobbled some McDonalds for dinner (seriously nutritious) and then lept on a bus back into the city centre for the gig...which if you hadn't realised by T.Shirt designs, was ARCADE FIRE!

I saw them live about 3 years ago, and we went to London and they were amazing and to see them again with even more friends was SO GOOD. They're one of my favourite bands, and probably my favourite band I've seen live because they do such a good performance. They tend to have a billion people on stage, and they're constantly running around playing different instruments and dancing. A little like this...

The venue was huuuge and the music was phenomenal and there was lots of dancing, and some face paint and some crowd friends who then also wore face paint... altogether it was amazing. (If you hadn't picked p on that already)

With a little hyperactivity and excitement in our veins, we went and grabbed a cocktail after the gig, and then watched 500 days of Summer before crashing at around 4am. 

The rest of my time was spent rather sleepily before a 6 hour trip home, leaving Manchester at half 4 and getting back home to Bournemouth at half 10. I am still a little tired, and as a result this blog is majorly rambly. 

Hope you'll forgive me.
Can't wait to see people over Christmas. YAY!

Saturday, 4 December 2010

A little less melancholy

I do apologise, sometimes I have slight tendencies to go over board in spilling my thoughts. So today, I'll keep it simple and fill you in on what I did.

Normally, I'm notorious for my 'non-stories', so for anyone who enjoys them, you've got a treat coming up today.

I got up at about half 11. Pretty late and I felt quite lazy but I was tiiiiiired! And it was nice prep for next week when I won't get to sleep. I spent the day doing my stupid assignment. Now, I'm all for a little work, and I totally love what I get to study with FP buuuut my assignment this time has been a little bit of drudgery that I participate in every Monday on my study day...or on Saturday's when I haven't finished it.

I've attempted to vaguely creatively re-write the story of Jesus' life as a timeline, with some key events. I'm annoyed with it, because it's not how I'd like it to be, and it lacks the pazzaz that I started it with. And yes, pazzaz is totally a word.

Still, it's no exam, I shouldn't be a perfectionist and it's finished. I do need to attempt to find some paper for my printer though...oops!

Later on we put up the Christmas decorations, which, though super early cos I'm away next weekend, was fun. Christmas is a pretty big deal in my house, and seriously family orientated, and we have various odd traditions and such so I always love doing festive type things.

We gobbled some pizza (I'm doing terribly at being healthy currently) and then went to see Harry Potter. Which I LOVE. I am a geek at heart, and Harry Potter and co fulfil my love for all things geeky, magical and out of this world. This was the second time I'd seen it but it was still pretty good. I probably shouldn't start reading the book again or I'll end up all critical. My darling younger sister hasn't read the book so she was super confused but some skittles came in handy with keeping her occupied.

I am now home and packing. Normally I love packing, it's like playing tetris with my own belongings. Instead I am about to have a paddy due to my inability to pack lightly, and my hopeless choice of, I have none that I can use.

Still, there are lots of exciting things coming up and I am nice and warm in a giant pink jumper. Life, though not perfect, is a little less melancholy than I believed it to be yesterday.

Sweet dreams children

Friday, 3 December 2010

Hibernation part 2

I feel as if a little bit of my head has shut down. Not sure if it's due to the horrific amounts of snow and ice, or due to the fact that sometimes I just can't hold all of the ponderings that I have without first going insane, then going emotional and then going quiet.

I'm tempted to lean towards the latter. This week has been fairly quiet. I had a really lovely day on Wednesday, with a cell social and such. I love Christmas for the stupid amounts of cheese and wine you get to eat. Amongst other things. I had one of those moments of looking around at a big roomful of people and realising that they are family. Cheesy yes, but that is one of the reasons that I love the church. The beauty of having brothers and sisters in Christ astounds me. 

Thursday I was meant to be in Salisbury having breakfast and then going to a Regional meeting and seeing all of my FP friends. Snow fell, everything was white and the roads were treacherous; needless to say, it was cancelled. I spent the day at home having snow ball fights, walking to Tesco and putting things in the loft...I now have 2 giant boxes of space in my room. Hurrah!

Today was back to the office after a super fun walk to work in wellies. I like to think I looked pretty cool, or I just looked like an idiot trying not to slip over in all of the ice. Again, I'm guna lean towards the likelihood of the latter. 

I've not really seen that much of people this week, compared to normal this is...and I'm inclined to think it a good thing. I definitely need time on my own and as next week is a full on, super social, crazy learning, mad partying, gig filled week, now is probably a good time to hang out at home, wear big jumpers, look skanky and not see anyone apart from family. 

Today I was having coffee with someone and I began to realise how much I chat about you guys. It's so stupid, you'd think I'd be fairly stable and fine with it all, but it's still hard. I started writing this blog last year when everything changed (hence the name) and I know I hate change but sometimes it still hits me between the eyes, just how different my life is. I love it, don't get me wrong, I'm so so blessed, God is faithful and good, but I, ever the control freak definitely struggle when I can't control situations. 

Probably because in my pride I think I know best. Lots of the time I don't. 

(I am very aware this blog makes very little sense to most people and is full of more waffle than dutch pancakes)

You each amaze me. Each of you inspire me. I see hope in each of your eyes. I'm just waiting. One day, someday, soon. 

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.